For the last few weeks, there has been a rise in the amount of tweeters discussing the Bounty pack.
Bounty packs are issued initially to put your notes in. They contain magazines, information, but most of all, advertising. Then once you’ve had your baby, a lady comes round to your bed, asks for your details and gives you a newborn pack which contains free samples, a bit more information and another doorstop of advertising. They’ll also send you regular emails about (I assume) products “relevant” to your baby’s stage of development. Personally I filter them to spam. It takes seconds.
So, what has the discussion been about? It seems its been led by a certain blogger website and has its own hashtag. Women are rebelling, Bounty. They no longer want your free stuff, your information, but most of all, they no longer want your advertising. They are horrified and disgusted that your associated companies would see it fit to pitch to their exact audience.
Isn’t that what advertising does? Daytime TV is full of quick loan adverts under the assumption that people watching don’t work so will need quick access to money. Google and facebook target ads based on what you view online. Tweeters and bloggers collect similar people online then post links to their blogs.
This is advertising. Not exploitation.
Maternity services are a mess. There’s no consistent care, which breeds fear. There’s a lack of midwives and maternity units are closing up and down the country meaning women are not getting the care and attention they need, being turned away from hospitals or having conditions missed or misdiagnosed. There are no plans in place to test for Group B Strep as standard, something which could save the lives of babies.
These are things that matter. Not whether you have a free pot of sudocrem, or if someone emails you with products which might interest you. 6 free pampers aren’t going to save a precious life, one swab could.
You could come home and dump the whole pack in the bin, send emails straight to the delete box, and be done with it. That is if you’re not too traumatised by a midwife you don’t know attending your labour, nipping in and out once an hour because she’s watching three ladies labour across the ward and there are no other midwives available.
It has been bought to my attention that I can be a bit ranty on Twitter and the blog…
No shit sherlock!!
My Twitter account and this here ole blog were a whim, something I did one night just to see what it was like. I use Twitter to vent. Pure and simple. Piss me off, expect tweets.
I actually like that a lot of IRL people don’t follow me. It gives me anonymity, it should stop me being censored (haha fail) and it let’s me be honest. I accept that not everybody has the same opinions as me and by all means you are as entitled to your views as I am, but if you don’t like swearing, tweets about poop and how frustrated I get home alone with a bored toddler and a booby leech then this is not the place for you. If I don’t have Twitter to shout into I go a bit stir crazy. Plus all the people I tweet regularly are awesome and I like to think that sometimes my “not all pooping rainbows” attitude helps. Maybe.
The blog is for thoughts…brain farts. These can range from a justification of my existence (like this one – head is fucked, stomach is sick etc) to a list if stuff that happened. It’s all here. One of many online journals. And ever since I started writing journals in the late 90s they have been angry and angsty – so you should probably expect that too. And obviously more tales of poo, although the potty training updates should probably wait for another post.
My Facebook is an entirely different beast again. It’s mostly family and real life friends. I don’t want them to know I’m pretty batshit insane (although my closest friends and family know this and love me for it) so I tend to tame it down. A lot. Sometimes I vent the teeniest bit on there just so that people know I’m still not getting much sleep and having to deal with a feral child, but it really is nothing compared to Twitters live feed of shouting, screaming, wanting to tear the house down and piss on the carpet.
There is a reason I have two email accounts. There is a reason I don’t follow people on Facebook. There is a reason I don’t post to Facebook and Twitter on the same account and there is a reason my Twitter ID isn’t on Facebook.
Enough justification for you?
So, I’ve just come back in from my increasingly regular binge eating sessions. I’m upset so it was four biscuits, a Lindor, a chunk of cheese, some left over Quavers, a scone and a choccy Rocky bar. Don’t worry, I’m a size 8, still breastfeeding, have a fast metabolism and will probably feel too nauseous to eat dinner.
I’m all for honesty and telling it like it is. I think people should be free to express their opinions and feelings freely in their little corner of the internet.
You know why?
How can other people know how you’re feeling if you don’t tell them? How can other people know that what they’re feeling is normal? How can you find other people who get it if they don’t know what it is?
The problem we come across a lot as mothers is that there is a stigma. There is a stigma about saying you can’t cope or that your kids make you so angry and frustrated you can’t see straight. We are expected to go online and sing the praises of our children who have made our day miserable being bored, while we are lonely and actually just want a virtual hug and for someone to say “yeah, they grow out of that.”
You may think I focus too much on the negatives. If you don’t like what I write, don’t read it. The internet is my place to vent. It’s the little space I have away from my kids where I can express just how much I hate being kicked in the face during nappy changes. I do love my children. And as I’ve said before, it is only because I love them so much that they can wind me up to the point where I want to turn my own face inside out.
The reason people don’t say these things? Judgement, accusations of not loving their kids.
These judgements are why some women suffer in silence, feeling isolated and alone. This is why some of us are medicated zombies, lead to believe that we need to put up and shut up because we wanted the children.
Sometimes people who should know better cast these judgements instead of offering an ear and a cup of tea.
You should never be ashamed of your feelings and you should never ever feel like you can’t express them freely. You’ll be surprised at how many other voices will say “me too!”
Posted in Emotional, Observation, Parent
Tagged depression, expression, Facebook, feelings, honesty, isolation, judgement, O, tact, Toddler, twitter
Something happened. I’m not going to go into detail as I will have to go scrub myself obsessively in the shower for half an hour to wash off the shame. Don’t worry OH, it has nothing to do with any other people. It’s all me and my crazy head.
Anyway, the only way I have been able to move on and actually function these last few days (yes, the shame was crippling) was to wash thoroughly, scrub myself in the shower and then deactivate my account.
Only for a bit. I’m sure I won’t be able to stay away. I already desperately miss the community, but I just can’t right now.
Even writing this makes me feel a little sick and the crime wasn’t even that bad.
So…I’m still on facebook, email, blogging and for those of you who are WriMos – NaNoMail as deskmonkeymummy if you want me.
The upside was I needed that feeling to write 7000 words on Friday night. Not all bad.
Granted, the wall was only about six inches high and I could step over it so giving up isn’t an option, but the pain that morning made me think twice.
This time I have had an easy ride of breastfeeding with the worst thing being some initial trauma as we got the latch correct. Oh and the vomiting caused by gluttony. But no mastitis, no thrush, no other issues…
The nightfeed was painful. Pain ripping through my poor booby. I corrected his latch twice and persevered. After feeding, under my arm still felt full and achy but the boob seemed empty. Too tired to sort it, I went to sleep.
Woke up in the morning, latched him on again and held back a yowl. The whole thing just hurt! Again, I completed a feed but not without considering thrush or mastitis.
I’ve never had mastitis. Lucky lady. I have had thrush. It’s like white hot needles being pushed mercilessly into your nipple for each and every move baby makes. It was also a nightmare to treat. I think it was picked up by my mw as Toddler had it in her mouth too. I went to the drs to get some meds. They prescribed daktarin. Cream for my nipple (not safe for internal use) and gel for her mouth (which she gagged and choked on). I ended up using the gel on my nips too but each feed was just a battle and we weren’t clearing up. Then it was suggested we try flucanazole (sp?) pills. A week after treatment, we were clear.
So, you can see why I would be dreading needing any kind of treatment!
I had a feel about and found a lump where the pain seemed to come from, so after getting some advice from the lovely bfing community on Twitter, I fed O and gave the boob a massage. I also had a shower and massage.
Looks like that cleared it. 3 days on and the pain has all but gone. Phew!!! I had visions of major problems again – something I just don’t need right now.
Today I met some very special mums.
From the time I was at an all girls school I always had boys as friends. I work in a male dominant profession and always considered women to be catty and cliquey.
This was re-inforced by the various Mother and baby clubs I went to when the Toddler was tiny. I also found the other mums to be judgemental and felt as if they were constantly questioning my parenting style (wing it or shout). Not to say I’m not a judgmental mother. I think we all judge each other because parenting is such a personal thing. However, I had always felt that other mums were silently bitchy and scathing about the way I choose to raise my children. I always expect them to be one digit away from phoning Social Services each and every time they see me.
However, through the community on Twitter I have learned it doesn’t have to be like that and even the most confident of mothers are just coping a lot of the time.
And then I met these ladies. Not cliquey, not judgemental, understanding, empathetic and in some cases sympathetic. I didn’t feel awkward or out-of-place. It was great.
I ran into some bother when the toddler became bored and had to leave a little earlier than expected, but on the whole it was a fantastic experience.
So thank you Debbie, Sarah, and Kirsty for a lovely afternoon with special thanks to going to Kelly for helping the Toddler with the slide and Karen for not only coming with me but also holding O so I could chase Madam around.
On Sunday night and Monday morning, a surprising hashtag began trending:
Now, I don’t normally check out hashtags but I’d seen the explanation for this hashtag in my timeline overnight so entered it as a search…
It is full of people saying things like “why is #blamethemuslims trending?” “#blamethemuslims is the most racist thing I’ve seen on twitter” and “don’t #blamethemuslims, #lovethemuslims.”
I had to laugh at the ignorance. Firstly, the reason the hashtag is trending is because those of you showing “outrage” at it are hashtagging it, making it statistically more popular. Secondly, I’ve seen a lot more racist and offensive things on twitter. That is the folly of free speech. Furthermore I notice that most of the people crying outrage are white and between 16 and 25. Thirdly, the hashtag was started by a MUSLIM WOMAN to bring attention to how quickly the press are to jump to the conclusion that it’s all the fault of the muslims. The tweets actually “blaming” the muslims are accusing them of doing things like discovering advances in medicine and respecting their women.
Personally, I feel that the outrage criers were the ones turning this hashtag into a negative. If we are to rid the world of racism, we need to learn not to jump to conclusions and assume that everything we read highlighting a particular race or religion is racist!