Tag Archives: massage

Diseases and disorders

As part of my course I have to research various ailments.  They range from moles to heart failure and are often accompanied by quite graphic pictures. 

Not good if you’re squeamish.

Luckily, gore and guts don’t make me churn and I find the body fascinating so even though it’s a lot of info to take in, I’m quite enjoying it.

I came across a few disorders I was able to write about without refering to any books or the internet.

Anaemia – I’ve had this on and off for years so know what to look for.

Eating disorders – self-explanatory.  We won’t go there.

Depression and Seasonal Affected Disorder – both appear on my medical records.

Epilepsy – a result of recent events which have kept me awake at night looking at EEG results.

The flip side is that it has opened up a whole new world of dangerous self-diagnosis.  I’m now reading each symptom like a check list and have stacked up a whole list of other issues I may or may not have.

I’m not going to let it worry me though.  Stress is a major contributing factor to most of the illnesses.


Up to date

Last week, on my 30th birthday, I missed my massage class.

I spent hours feeling terrible about it.

Turns out that I wasn’t suffering the after effects of being up in the night coupled with anxiety at all. Afterall, I’m pretty sure OH, my mums partner and our lodger haven’t caught the tired anxious shits.  Nope.  I actually had some sort of virus and it’s done the rounds.

Last night it was back to learning and I actually felt much better than I have in a long time.  No constant sick feeling, no instant panic attacks in the classroom, no stress headaches.

Is this what it’s like to feel normal?

Anyway, my routine is now up to date, I don’t have a huge wedge of homework and I understand what they did last week when I was absent.

See, it wasn’t as terrible as I made out.

Happy freakin’ birthday.

Today I turned 30.

And failed.

I was fine this morning, been fine all day, then at about 3 I felt like my head needed something but didn’t know what, and everything became surreal.

I was pretty sure it was some kind of panic reaction to the classroom and I figured that I would get over it.  So, I packed my bags, mum came over, I went to the loo…all the normal things.  My head still felt like someone had stuffed my nose with cotton wool but I tried to carry on regardless.

Took a wrong turn on the way to college, and realised that maybe the fluffiness should be listened to.  O had a bad night last night and I thought it was a reaction to this mixed with the panic about panics in the classroom. 

Got to college, got changed, tummy grumbled, sat on loo…yep.

Not pleasant.

So I went to explain to my tutor who sent me home.

But now I feel awful, and not just because my tum is gurgling unhappily and my face actually aches but because I’ve seen this before.  This is so important and I’m cross I didn’t stay.  I can’t drop out. I have to do this.  At the moment I’m so busy feeling like I’ve let everyone down tonight that I just can’t see the bigger picture. 

I think I really need to sleep.



Ok, not so snooze.  I’m a geek about the human body but still – THIS SHIT IS HARD!!!

And we’re not even on to the whole bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments thing.  We’re just looking at the skin.  Up close and personal.

I’m not stupid.  My brain doesn’t always leak information.  Just on the odd occasion, but with everything that has happened this week I’ve found even getting time to complete the homework hard.

When I started the course and the tutor was like “expect to do 3 to 5 hours homework a week!”  I was like “Hell yeahs.  I do that in my SLEEP lady! Bring it on!”

The reality is that with two kids, one of which who has been in hospital in the last 7 days (he’s better now, bronchiolitis poor thing) I haven’t even been able to scrape together a few hours let alone time to get out my new couch and give the physical stuff a go.  I’ve managed to practise once this week.  ONCE.  That’s pathetic.

So yeah.  I just want to rub people to make them feel better…

Massages…get your minds out of the gutter!!!


If I were superstitious (which I secretly am) I would be taking this weekend as an omen…and not in a good way.

I loved the course on Thursday. My tutor is great, the other ladies are fab.  Ok I’m a baby bore and my boobs were once again the centre of attention, but they can’t help it.

As part of the course – and it is part of the course; don’t do it and you fail – we have to look the part, including buying a kit for oils and full salonwear.

Well, firstly I couldn’t find salon shoes in my size.

Then we went on Saturday to get my kit from a specialist retailer and they were shut.  Yes, shut on a Saturday.

We checked opening hours – open Sunday 10 – 1…

So we went back.

They had had 4 delivered and they were all gone.

What are the odds?

Now I’m not only worried about local competition from ladies already trained in Health and Beauty (I’m barely managing to keep up my new skincare routine in order to look the part!) My brain is going a mile a minute trying to figure out how to pick up this kit on Thursday before my course and fit in the million other things that need doing.

I wish I could just put it down to being just one of those things.

So I haven’t blogged in a couple of days..

But I have been writing.

I haven’t been able to find time to get to the computer so blogging has been limited. Most of my writing has been done old school.

Anyway, today I am having a complete confidence failure.

What if I’m late?

What if I’m early?

What if they’re pissed off because until I purchase my salon stuff all I have are maternity jeans, old t-shirts and trainers to wear?

What if they decide the outbreak on my chin is a hygiene fail?

What if one of my kids gets sick today?

What if I get sick today?

What if my period comes back and I don’t have pads?

What if my boobs become so painful I can’t take part?

What if my boobs spray milk everywhere DURING taking part?

What if O doesn’t eat before I go?

What if he needs feeding but refuses the bottle and spoon?

What if the milk I’ve expressed and lovingly cared for is sour?

What if they don’t like me?

What if I don’t like them?

What if I don’t like doing it?

What if I think positively for just a second?

What if it’s fabulous?

What if it changes my life?

What if I meet some wonderful people?

What if O takes the milk no problems?

My rollercoaster week

After the panic attack last week, I’ve been on a bit of a slippery slope.

Stress induced nausea is not fun.

Monday saw me trying to get an appointment at the Doctors, failing and feeling really shitty and as if no one wanted to help me.

Tuesday I went to a playgroup, knew no one, heard some women talking crap about breastfeeding and almost had a go at them.  I also found the staff member who came over to introduce herself quite condescending.  Oh and L wanted a drink, they told me snack time was over and then I caught one of the Cousins with a juice and a snack! So yeah, really not fun.  But I did get to have a heart to heart with OHs sister which I really enjoyed.

Ballet in the afternoon made me feel even worse when one of the other mums that I sort of know in passing turned up with her toddler and a 13 week old (I didn’t know she had two).  Her hair was done, she was wearing makeup and her kids behaved beautifully.   I hadn’t bothered to brush my hair, I was sweaty from a morning of chasing the toddler around and the Toddler decided to climb on the stage and refuse to go back in the car.  Oh and O needed to be fed all the way through.  So yeah, that left me feeling pretty crappy.  Especially when this woman started saying about how hard it was having 2! I know, I don’t know what her story is, and I don’t know that she didn’t just make herself up and things so that she didn’t feel shitty.  I’m probably being a bit unfair, but I was struggling.

Wednesday morning, shitting myself, I went to another playgroup with OHs sister….

And loved it.

The group has a very women friendly community feel.   The kids are in an entirely safe environment.  Everyone pitches in.  They have an arts and crafts half hour, which L loved.  They even got out the bouncy chair for O so I didn’t have to carry him around.  The other mothers were lovely and the ladies who run it were absolutely magnificent.  Loved it loved it.  Hearts.

Wednesday afternoon I went to view a preschool for L while we are still having issues.  Ended up enrolling her.  There was another woman there whose little girl and L kept fighting.  When I say fighting I mean they kept trying to sit on the same chair.  L is VERY strong-willed (why we clash – she’s as pig-headed as her mother!) and if someone is doing something unfairly, she will correct them.  (I caught her telling older children off for going up the slidey bit of the slide on Tuesday!)  Seeing as The Toddler seemed pretty at home there, we went for it.  Plus they gave us free food (always a bonus!)

Thursday I spent the morning with OHs sister again.  More bonding and chatting.  I wish there was something I could do to help her just get some time to herself at the moment so she can finish the things she needs to do, but short of taking her kids in place of my own, right now I’m helpless.  All I can do is go round there and make sure cousin 3 and cousin 4 and L and O don’t kill each other.  Maybe that’s enough for now.

Then today.  Today was L’s first day at the preschool.  We dropped her off (late) and then came home and did some housework.  We now have a nice clean bedroom (you couldn’t see the floor for laundry before) and O and I had some lovely cuddles and spent some time together just laughing at each other.  When she came home, she napped and then seemed a lot calmer than she has been.  She was well-behaved there too.  I think this is going to be good for her.  I’ve booked her in for Mondays and Fridays for the next couple of weeks.  I still have no idea what I’m going to do once our Childminder comes back, but I’ll worry about that when we get to it.  For the moment, I have two days a week which aren’t costing us any extra where I can actually get the house cleaned up and not looking like a crap hole.

I made a wanker sign at some impatient idiot who then pulled up beside me at the traffic lights.  What a dick (me!)  I seriously thought he was going to get out and twat me one.  It’s horrible having to avoid eye contact with the driver in the car next to you knowing that you just called him a name and he’s probably seething and thinking “There’s enough time for me to get out here…” Luckily he didn’t and the whole incident was a bit of a misunderstanding anyway.  I could have talked my way out of it.  Probably.

This evening I had to go out and feed mums cat, who is really very lonely already and it’s only night 1.  I did give her some fussing and made sure everything was clean ready for my bro in the morning, so she should be ok. I’ll go and give her some more love tomorrow.

On the way back, without the kids in the car and driving around in the dusk, I realised that when I start the massage part of my business, this is the time I would be going to work.  And it felt GOOD.  Now I can’t wait for the journey to begin.