Tag Archives: labour

Admiration for a mother

When I first had the Toddler, I was encouraged to go along to the local Bumps and Babes group for some further support.

As it happened, some of the mums I went with turned out to be not the people I thought they were, but there was one mum I had always admired.

She was a breastfeeder although she expressed as she wasn’t comfortable feeding in public.  She was quite shy, and her baby was unable to turn her head in one direction due to he way she had been laying in the womb.  This had put the baby’s development behind, had meant that she had to have physio and the last time I saw her, she had to be in a brace for 22 hours a day.

And Mum handled it brilliantly!  She was on her own for 12 hours a day and she never complained about it (I complain bitterly if OH is just five minutes late home from work).  She was so incredibly brave.  Obviously, you never know what is going on behind closed doors, but I was falling apart with Post natal depression and this mother was handling everything her pregnancy, labour and child threw in her face.

The Mum had also haemorrhaged heavily during her labour and needed a transfusion…which always made me think she wouldn’t want to do it again.

I recently saw her in the local supermarket looking fab.  And she had another baby.  A boy this time, who had been due the day before O but had been three weeks early.  She had a 1 and a half hour labour with him with no complications. Her baby girl was also walking and had been since she was 1!

I admire this woman so much for not only facing and coping with her first child so brilliantly but also not letting a negative experience during the birth and afterwards stop her from going on to build the family she wanted.

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Why my posts are jumbled

I like to talk to myself.  When I have five minutes that is.  This time normally becomes available while I’m in the shower.

I love showers.  It’s time away from the children where I can think. And nowadays, when I think, it is usually followed up by “that would be a really good thing to blog about.”  This in turn is followed by an amazing title and starting few paragraphs.  But who has the ability to be able to write these fantastic ideas down when they are in the shower?

Part of our evening routine after The Toddler goes to bed is to make sure the washing up is done and the living room is tidy. I always volunteer myself for washing up.  Tidying is so much more energetic and energy isn’t something that I have huge reserves of right now. Again, though, this chance to do a mundane task results in my brain going a mile a minute thinking up some really amazing blog posts.   I can’t stop mid dish to jot them down as this would halt the flow of awesome.

So, I am reduced to waiting until 3am when O is feeding or finding 10 minutes to get to the computer which is a very rare occurance and doesn’t really inspire me at all.

Then, like this post, I start something and don’t get a chance to finish it and it ends up all pointless and jumbled.  I wish I could find the right ZONE. I just can’t. I think  I might be trying too hard and feeling the pressure.  I read a lot of blogs and some of them are amazing, written by some extremely talented people who should probably be making huge amounts of money from their skills, and I get jealous. I start comparing myself to them and then wishing I were them and then having a complete and total confidence failure.  My blog isn’t that bad, it’s just that my brain sometimes runs away with me and I end up just typing crap before I’ve really had a chance to think about what I’m saying.

My advice would be to anyone still reading this is 1) don’t start a post and then finish it days later and expect it to be fully coherent.  This goes doubly when you’ve just had a baby and yoiur emotions are so all over the place that you don’t know whether you are coming or going and spend a lot of time pinned to the sofa with a baby either sucking at your boobs or gulping back a bottle.

2) Do have an end goal in mind when you start a blog post.  I normally think of an amazing start and then go completely off the track.  This doesn’t hold readers’ attention and just serves to frustrate them and make them think that you’re full of shit.

3) Get some talent and actually bloody finish something.  Hmm, this one is super tough, as I have very limited talent and very limited creativity right now.  Even the knitting has tailed off.  The last time I did something was the night I went into labour and I was desperately trying to finish The Toddlers’ PearPear.  Sadly, it’s still on the table with no face, no stuffing and an open head.  I’m not very good at completing things.  This is again demonstrated by my lack of birth stories. I have started writing my first birth story at least three times and each time come across as a bit of a dick – don’t say anything to this.  I know I can be a bit of a dick.  And I LOVE talking about my labours and birth.  I mean I ADORE IT!  I’ve become a birth junkie – especially after my last labour.   I love hearing about labours and births too.

And we should go back to the original topic, which I am demonstrating immensely well.  My posts are jumbled mainly because MY HEAD IS PRETTY JUMBLED and I post as I think.  I also talk as I think and that can be pretty jumbled too if you’re not keeping up.  My brain works fast.  My hands and mouth not so much.

A very short update

For those of you who don’t already know, Oscar was born at 4.26 am on the 31st of May in a pool birthing room, but not in the pool.  Total labour time on my notes:  2 hours, 8 minutes.  This includes a medically managed 3rd stage which took longer than pushing.
The labour was drug free…apart from 2 paracetamols I took at about 1.30 when I thought I was in for the long haul.
When I have a few minutes, I’ll post my two very different birth stories.  I’ll also blabber on about dealing with not leaving The Toddler out.
Right, bum change, booby and bed time!

Everyone is doing it.

We are at home, my bros gf and I just waiting for labour.

I start having gentle,but regular contractions, so does she.  They have lost their mws number, so I give them one for a local mw I know called Tracey.  Next thing I know were all in a birthing room.  Loads of us.  My bro, my OH, mw, and a whole host of people I don’t know.  Bros gf is leaning against the mw, unable to speak to through the contractions.  We’re all gawping at her.  Her hair still looks perfect.  The mw tells her she’s ready and lays her down on the bed on her back to push and I think that’s odd.  She vomits on me and empties her bowels.  My own contractions are still too gentle.

“I’ll have to do this in a minute.” I say to OH but we both know I’m being optimistic.  It’ll be hours, days even before I’m at that stage.

Bros gf starts pushing and nothing happens.  She’s already had two kids, this should be easy.  Then I remember they were both c-sections and pushing is new to her.
Her baby decides its had enough and opens it’s bowels and we’re all just watching as they rush her to theatre.

I wake up.  Backache, braxtons, pain and remember that bros gf is not even pregnant, I don’t know any mws called Tracey…

But the uncomfortable feeling, you see that’s real. I look at the clock. 4.44. I count to thirty while my belly is solid and my back throbs. It eases and I get up to wee. Back to bed. 5.09 and here comes another one. The last time it felt like this was on the birthing ball after induction. I was 4cm dilated at the time. Again, thirty seconds. This is promising. 5.22 – another one. Ok, surely this is business. I should get some sleep. But it hurts. Don’t be a wimp. It’ll hurt more than this. A lot more. Sleep through this bit.

“Hello mummy!” My daughter is in my face and its 7.17. And…nothing. Nothing at all. Shower, breakfast, Tweenies…NOTHING!

I’m power walking to the shops later.

Is this it?

Today, I am 39 weeks pregnant.

No signs of labour yet.

Well, I say no signs, but that would be a lie.  Things that are TMI have started happening, but none of the big signs are being forthcoming (ie waters breaking, bloody show, contractions, needing to push, baby appearing…)

It’s lovely to know that I’m not alone and I have a met a very cool group of ladies on Twitter who are all in the same position as me, so we get to share stories and hope to send each other into labour.

However, even though this is not my first child nor my first labour, I have NO IDEA what I’m waiting for.

With The Toddler, my waters broke at exactly 39 weeks.  I had very little pain and basically no contractions to speak of and when I got to hospital, I was 3cm dilated and the MW, during the exam, put her fingers straight on the Toddlers’ head.  So, I’ve never really done the early labour thing.  I know what contractions feel like once they get started and I know what it feels like to be induced from 5cm but I don’t know whether the little aches I’ve been having or the movements I’ve been feeling are part of labour or something else.

My labour with the Toddler, once it got going, was very short – about 2 hours.  And then 15 mins of pushing and she was here.  After speaking to my MW, I have been advised to call when I’m feeling anything regular as its likely that this labour will also be short.  I’ve protested by saying that I will call her when it starts to hurt, but she’s concerned that by that point it might be too late! I know, I’m an extremely lucky lady!

Last night (and not for the first time in the last three weeks!)  I was concerned that I’d gone into labour.  I was sat on my gym ball and listening to some music while making another Pearpear for The Toddler and I came over all hot, my back started to hurt like it does during monthlies and baby started wiggling like mental.  I was getting some stabbing pains where we shouldn’t talk about and I was pretty certain that something was about to happen.  I told my OH and waited for an hour to see if anything progressed.

Well, 24 hours later and I’m still here, sat on the damn ball, with nothing but some stabbing pains (which are this baby burying down.)  I know that this baby was 3/5ths engaged last week and 2/5ths engaged two weeks before so it’s heading in the right direction.   I just don’t have a clue what I’m waiting for when it comes to early labour.

Guess I might end up with a home birth after all!!