Tag Archives: daddy

Happy day to you, OH.

Today is OH’s 30th birthday.

He is 30. This is older than me.

So yeah.

Happy birthday OH

Lots of love from… (bet you can’t guess who?)

Me.

Happy day to you!

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It’s not just ONE thing…

I live for weekends. I love my breaks.  I love being able to spend some time cleaning the house without worrying about him screaming for cuddles or her drawing on the TV.

On Saturday, I woke up and came downstairs.  Normally, I would have done the washing up on the Friday night so it wouldn’t be the first thing I had to face on Saturday morning. Sadly, I had broken the discipline and decided not to do it.  I had been told it would be done, so when I came downstairs and was faced with it, I was not impressed.

I got a chance to go back to bed at 9.30ish and then was woken up at 10.10 to feed. O fell asleep so I rested and had a break until 11 30. I brave downstairs and he announces he wants a shower. He has shower then does lunch. He serves up beans on toast (bread not cut) and expects me to be able to eat one-handed while I feed O again.

Then he buggers off.  So I’m sat looking at my food going cold, O on the boob and her shouting “finished” and waving crusts in the air while he’s having a seemingly “urgent” conversation with our lodger.

I get to eat and he decides O needs to sleep so he takes him.  I then clean up my dinner stuff and sort washing out. Then I say jokingly we should go get an EEE Pad Transformer this afternoon.

He says “We could go get the pieces for the computer…” then disappears off to the other room to look on said computer for parts.

I was so fed up.  I wish I could just leave the room willy nilly and not have to worry about looking after two small children, but my life doesn’t work like that.  I have to schedule in time to clean  the house, or do the washing up/washing/cleaning when the children go to bed and I’m dead on my feet.

Sometimes I wish he could see it’s not just one thing that makes me snap, it’s the bigger picture.

Out in the cold – Guest post by Jarvisio from latexpoultry

I will start by saying that this may not be the definitive experience, everyone’s relationships are different but I hope that sharing my feelings on the subject can help people better come to terms with the situation they may be in.

Having children is hard. Really really hard. It decimates your finances, social life, sleep and puts real strain on your relationships.

There is a lot written about the things a man should and shouldn’t do DURING pregnancy but post natal it really does rather dry up.

My OH has recently expressed how she feels concern at not really knowing what is going on in my life. but honestly i’m not surprised. When my daughter was born, the OH was quite poorly for a long while and I had to pretty much accept that I was almost an aside to the family for a while (that is not to say I didn’t have anything to do with my daughter, just that she was breastfed exclusively so being a provider was not one of the functions I could perform, mainly I tended to keep the house running). During this time the OH pretty much had nothing to do with me, she was distant, had little desire for physical contact, had little desire to discuss things about how I felt and I found this difficult to come to terms with. I have seen some things on the subject where the man almost ends up feeling jealous of their offspring and the bond that they have with their mother, compared to the broken bond that can form between the parents. General consensus seems to be that the guy should “suck it up” and deal with it. When the daughter was born, and because the OH was so poorly I didn’t really have a lot of time for these things to manifest, this probably made it slightly easier to handle as I was at least “needed” in another function.

So onto the birth of the 2nd. He is far less hard work and the OH has had a really un-complicated time of birth and post natal issues. As I came to expect, the OH has become a little distant to me, lacks much desire for contact and states that she has little left to give after the attention on both children and the abject tiredness that comes from night feeding. I’ve been through this once and I don’t feel it is as bad this time as it was the last. Thing is, the Mrs was so poorly and for want of a better way to put it – Self absorbed (please let me qualify that this isn’t a criticism, she was ill and I think it is natural to become a bit like this at those times). that I don’t think she realised how difficult it became for me at times (some readers may think “well think how difficult it was for her”. I’m not disputing that, but people don’t have exclusive rights on being challenged by a situation. It isn’t a competition to be the worst. Both sides have valid opinions). The fact that she is more aware of these things is a positive in my mind as I know it means she is coping well enough to even consider it. It doesn’t stop it from being hard.

One of the points of contention is sex. I want it, she doesn’t. I guess this section is more for the female readers than the male. Ladies, don’t tell us “if you want it that bad, go get it somewhere else!”. You are missing the point. We don’t want sex, we want sex with YOU! In light of the obvious differences in libido, don’t withhold all contact, be open and honest about what you do or don’t find acceptable. A cuddle is often better than nothing. Don’t assume if we become obviously “excited” during points of contact that we’re assuming anything or trying it on. Its likely a physiological thing due to long periods without it! We’d still rather have a cuddle and a kiss and go to sleep frustrated than be given the cold shoulder.

For any first time dads, you will be pissed off and frustrated, and it may feel like it will never end. But it will (please note, this advice is bugger all consolation if you are going through it). Hang in there.

 

The above post was written in response to this.

An exam? Really?

On Friday 22nd of July OH took an exam. ITIL foundation.

There was little to no drama about it and I’m pretty sure I only found out he was taking it about a week before.

We have to do the same exam where I work, but we get a five-day residential course and huge build up.

It surprised me the amount of drama there hadn’t been about this exam.  And then I realised that this was part of the self-absorption I’m suffering from for having to look after two children.

First of all I don’t remember him mentioning the exam prior to this week. He must have known.  Maybe he did mention it and I just wasn’t listening for whatever reason.  Then I wasn’t really there to offer support.

Since having the Toddler I’ve felt like there was a limit to how much attention, help, backup and even love I can offer other people.  Now I have two babies, I’m spread even more thinly, devoting day and night to ensure they both have what they need yo be healthy and happy.

It’s strange because OH seemed to accept my non-involvement and disinterest in the exam but can’t understand my limited emotions.  Being so disinterested and detatched has caused me massive concerns though.  If I have managed to distance myself so much from OHs life then why are we carrying on as a couple? Ok. I know new babies cause a shift in focus but surely a distance this substantial is cause for concern?

By the way, he passed the exam with 85%.

The time before the day before

OH was the Best Man for The Wedding and as such, it was his duty to arrange the stag night. The stag night was last Tuesday. Yes, the day before the wedding…

This time, the stag night consisted of a curry and a couple of pints in a local (So I’m informed) but last time…well, last time he went to a stag it wasn’t quite so simple.

It was in the days before children. I have always suffered from insecurity and depression, which was normally set off by my appearance and worrying I would never be good enough for whoever I was with.

This stag night was the typical stag night; meal, drinks and then strip club.

I won’t go into details about what other people got up to at this stag night but I do know that there were refusals for dances.

OH came home and I was already in bed. I asked him if he had had a dance and he said yes. Ok ten points for honesty, but really? I remember I smacked him. In fact, I flew at him, seeing red in that very instant. He went on to say it had been a topless dance purchased by his friend.

I asked why he hadn’t refused. He said he didn’t know.

That night almost ended our relationship. I stayed at the house that night and then packed my stuff and went back to mums. He didn’t get it. He didn’t get that one dance with some random girl dangling her (probably much larger than mine) boobies in his face had set me back about 5 years in my insecurities and it was going to take some hard work to rebuild.

I don’t remember how long we stayed away from each other. I knew I needed time to heal from this latest blow as I felt like I’d been betrayed, stabbed through the heart. I’ve always trusted OH implicitly and never thought he would have been able to hurt me like that. Then BAM. He did.

I tore up the cards he gave me, and threw my engagement ring at him.

Finally, one night, I relented and went back. We talked. A lot. We probably cuddled. We may have even taken it further. I don’t remember. All I know is that I’m still wary when a stag night is mentioned, even though my circumstances are totally different now.

I’m glad I went back. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have had my children, my house and a very supportive man in my life who may be lazy, but seems to agree with even my most hairbrained schemes!

“I like what you do.”

I’ve been thinking about what blogging actually is.

To be honest, I’m just abusing the privilege of being able to bitch across the internet about how “bad” I have it when really, I don’t have it all that bad.    I also like the feeling that someone somewhere might actually be reading this, which is more than I can say about the two novels I wrote in my late teens and early 20s.  I use the term novels extremely loosely.  They were ok.  There are massive continuity errors.  I would even go so far to say that some parts were very good, but they just didn’t gel.  Not only that, the subject matter was slightly twisted, possibly incriminating and probably not safe for human consumption.

So yeah, it’s a way for me to vent and remember all the things that have happened.  I’m leaving my mark, even if it is tiny and does consist mostly of incoherent or tedious posts about shit that I hate doing.  And moaning about shit I hate doing.  And then having to do it all over again.

My OH told me he likes what I do.  I laughed at him.  He seems to be really positive about the whole blogging thing and he sees it that at least one “random” (possibly spam) person per day reads this.  That’s one person that I don’t know actually listening to the one sided, often jumbled conversation I have with myself daily.  That is actually quite a nice thought.

I’m trying to get him to write a blog.  I have set up the basics for him and he’s giving it a go, even if his first ever post is about being forced into blogging. His blog can be found here. So if you’re a little on the geeky side and like gaming, go have a look. I have no idea how long he’ll keep at it, or whether he’ll hate me forever for making him feel like he’s been pushed into something he doesn’t want to do, but I’m plugging it like mad.for him. I’m pretty sure once he gets into it he’ll find it as addictive as I do.

I shall end my musing there.