Tag Archives: bullying

The Game

How do you play this Game?

This destructive, soul-breaking Game?

This Game where the rules can change at any given moment?

Rock, paper, cutting words.

How do you react without reacting?

Stay silent when words need to be said?

Carefully bide your time to wait for them to unravel themselves when inside it burns

The sting of a bitchy tirade.

How do you deal with the impotence caused by someone with years of experience in the Game?

I have not played for years.

I didn’t ask to be dealt in this round.

It’s not my fault you need a victim.


The beginning of bullying

I was bullied through school, although I can’t remember exactly when or how it started. Maybe I’ve blocked it out. Maybe it was just so insignificant that I didn’t really make a memory of it.

I know there was a group of friends and I became caught up with them.  I got close to one of the girls.  Maybe the jealousy started it.  I don’t know.

I read that bullies often accuse the bully of being a victim.  This definitely happened. I was dragged into the deputy heads office accused of all sorts of horrible things against 6 other girls.  Me?!  Yes, I’m ranty.  Yes I’m a bitch NOW, but back then?! Well, I had a mean steak. We all did, but I was mostly meek and scared.  I could have said something, although my mind was so frail that I would have been totally incapable of verbally abusing anyone, let alone being a long standing bully to 6 girls who were both considerably bigger and considerably stronger than myself.

I got suspended.

That was the first time.

The second suspension came after I snapped after 3 years of being told I was skanky, smelly, had fleas, hated. I had been scratched and thumped in passing.  I had had my hair pulled, told things I don’t remember (I have blocked out a lot of things from before I was 16.)  I remember being terrified to go to school incase they said something.

Then one day, the ringleader was laid on a table in the form room.  I went in there to speak to someone else.  I was with my friend who happened to have red hair.  Ringleader relished this opportunity and thought she was being clever.  I belted her one.

Not my finest moment.

Still, I don’t remember when I went from being friends with them to being universally hated.  Sometimes I do wonder if it was me putting my foot in my mouth.  Other times I realise that nothing I did or said would have changed what happened back then. 

Bullying – Part 2.

Today I heard something that made me seethe.  I’ve talked about bullying before but now I’m going to talk about the side you don’t always see… the aftermath.

Everything we do, see, say and hear has an effect on both our physical and emotional well-being.  We are creatures of ego and without any ego, we are broken.  We need ego.  We need to be proud of something, feel accomplished, feel appreciated and accepted and loved and valued and we need to believe that we are worth the value, trust, appreciation and acception.  If one of these building blocks fails, we stumble. If all of them fail, we’re in trouble.

The thing is, it’s such a delicate balancing act.  It only has to be a failure of one building block in one aspect of our life to throw us into emotional mayhem and to damage the self. This is what happens when we are bullied.

You see, most people can withstand one, two, three, or a few digs at their core. If in jest, we can (most of us) take more. But when the digs become constant attacks we begin to question ourselves and a block shakes loose.

When someone is so vindictive towards the self that it destroys something they love, the effects are devastating.

Take for example, person A mentions the way person B looks daily, person B will begin to question the way they look. This has a knock on effect on the ego and the block is knocked out-of-place. This can then go one of three ways.

Person B can either ignore person A and carry on regardless.

Person B can work on the way they look to impress person A( although this scenario rarely results in the desired effect).

Person B can doubt themself ao much they feel the way the look has an effect on all the building blocks.

Which way it goes depends on how person B feels at the time, what their relationship is to person A and how easy it is to remove themselves from the situation.

The aim of bullying is to ultimately get a desired reaction, whether that be tears or the closure of a business. However, bullies are not usually aware of the longlasting emotional damage they cause each time they scathe.

And this…THIS is why it makes me so mad to hear of bullying.  Any form of bullying.  The damage isn’t always instant, but it’s always there.  It may not manifest itself in the form of suicidal thoughts but it may halt someone from reaching their full potential.

But what if it does break someone?  What if it shakes them to the very core and they start doubting everything.  All the blocks crumble and self loathing slowly creeps in and takes over?

What if, in shaking that someone, it has a knock on effect on the lives of 14 or 15 other people and they start to suffer too?

What if the original person becomes so ill that they cease to function, become scared of the phone, panic if the doorbell rings, end up hospitalised through lack of sleep, not eating and a failed suicide attempt?

This is the serious side to bullying.  This is the everlasting damage.


On bullying

I am writing about bullying for NaNoWriMo this year.

I was bullied at school.  This happened mostly because I was a sensitive child who cried a lot and bullies love an instant reaction to their harsh words or actions.  I was quickly targeted by two different groups and ended up not really remembering 3 out of four of my school years.

Until recently, I knew that this was the subject I wanted to tackle but I couldn’t recall exactly how I had felt at the time.  Now I remember the helpless hatred of the people making my life a misery as I watch someone else in my life be mercilessly bullied by some truly horrid, despicable and downright selfish shithead excuses for human beings. There is absolutely nothing I can do to help them.  I can’t swoop in and knock the biggest one out.  I can’t stand in front of the victim screaming for the teacher. I can’t go to mum and get her to write a letter (a pointless action at the time of my own episodes of being a victim as it was countered by the other mum. In those days, bullying was only just being brought into the public eye, and schools generally still didn’t have a policy or procedure for investigating. Their way of dealing with cases was to externally or internally suspend all involved. Eyeroll).

So, now I feel the burning helplessness in the pit of my stomach once again, and I know for certain that now I have to write my stories of bullying.

Oddly enough, because the relentless bitching from some (as it turned out later on) very fucked up girls made me who I am today, I wouldn’t change it. In fact, for the record, I would like to offer some thanks for making me a strong woman who tolerates very little shit (sometimes to her detriment.)

I digress…

Bullying, in all its forms, is totally intolerable.  This includes bullying in the workplace, at home, or in the schoolyard. Some people really should know better.