As you can imagine, everything at the moment is a litte bit hazy.
I’ve given a start date on the new job, although I’m still prevented from sharing my news with my collegues. Office politics.
I know there will be at last two people who will be super gutted to hear about it. Maybe I should wait to tell them in person. Haha. I’m not evil. Really I’m not. Just sick of certain things kicking me repeatedly in the face.
And I get my name on the door. Yeeeeeehhhhhaaaaa!!!
Ls epilepsy has kicked us though. Really kicked us. It’s a life changing thing, you know? Selfishly I keep thinking that I can’t let this ruin my chances at this job. I can’t seem unreliable. I’ve not told my new boss about it because I don’t want him to regret his decision to employ a) a woman in an extremely male dominated environment and b) a mother who needs to leave the office all the time.
I remember I took a lot of time off with L being ill before going on mat leave. Just coughs, colds and viruses, but still.
It might be hard to persuade OH that he will have to take over at least some of the responsibility for sick-care.
I also feel a bit like I haven’t had a chance to be happy or excited about the new job. Mainy because I have been worrying myself extremely thin about L and her diagnosis.
Not really helping the anxiety.
2011 was overall a good year, despite my constant whining on here.
Here’s a run down.
I got to watch my little girl blossom from the last days of baby to a cheeky, stubborn yet gorgeous and hilarious toddler.
I became part of a community of very special people who I have never met but have provided more support than they’ll ever realise.
I rediscovered blogging/journalling which has helped keep me sane.
I gave birth to my son; an experience which has changed my life.
I began my massage course, and learned about becoming a doula and realised that I want to help other women have empowered positive birth experiences.
I completed NaNoWriMo.
I took the time to get to know OHs sister who has a huge heart and a chaotic life. I have no idea how she does it. Even on the tough days she gets up and runs about and still finds time to help others.
Wednesday club was formed. Madness with many children, knitting and cake.
So, as 2011 draws to a close, I plan to take the good things with me.
I have become completely starved of time.
By time, I mean time to do the important things.
I can blog, tweet and knit whilst O is feeding. And he now feeds all evening.
I can’t do massages or homework while he is clamped on.
This is now becoming a problem as I am unable to do my homework in the evenings. I’m currently feeding to get him to sleep so I can squeeze in an hours anatomy and physiology.
I must not let this overwhelm me.
No, I’m not pregnant.
No, we’re not getting a dog/cat/hamster/rabbit/gerbil/rat/guinea pig/chinchilla/horse/crocodile/wooly mammoth.
Something faaar more exciting.
Today we went to the Lovely Ladies Christmas fayre. (It’s not really called that but the ladies are actually really lovely.)
I am terrible at places like bootsales and fayres. I’m not awesome at picking up a bargain and each ten pence item feels like a win until I go home with a car full of crap no one else wants.
However, after meeting 82 year old Canadian Joan and having a lovely cuppa and a chat with her, we ambled around the hall…and I spotted him.
My gorgeous anatomically correct baby boy doll.
He’s slightly weighted and a little scrunchy. His outfit is handknitted (not by me but that definitely wins him brownie points) and he is just…
Well, you can see for yourself.
He’s mine. He is to go in my collection of doula things.
He is in for a life of being knitted for, being breastfed, cradled, worn, carried, pushed out of a probably knitted pelvis, having his nappy changed…
I can’t wait to play…I mean use him.
After the disaster that was bedtime Thursday, I’ve had a super shit day.
Well, actually, apart from feeling like a crappy parent, the day hasn’t been awful except…
I counted up my mat leave. I only have two weeks left then I’m officially on holiday.
So I had to speak to my boss. He wants me to go in for a meeting. Now I have to go through the motions in order to hopefully get them to agree another 13 weeks mat leave at smp. I’m disheartened, demoralised and tired.
I just want to look after my kids, write my blog, dabble with my novel, knit, massage and look after mamas.
We can’t always get what we want.
A few months ago I discovered NaNoWriMo and became enthused and determined. What a fantastic idea! I would love to win, although I knew finding time would be hard work with two small children.
Since then I have started my night class and realised just how hard time is to come by. I need around 3-5 hours weekly to myself to complete my theory homework. Then each treatment practise takes about an hour (at the moment). Sometimes I have to stop between body parts to see to a screaming O or put the Toddler back in bed. So yeah, not ideal but I just about cope.
Unfortunately there is no possible way (with the exception of another 3 -6 hours being added in to each day) that I would be able to fit in writing 2000 words. It just won’t happen.
So as much as I hate to say it…goodbye NaNoWriMo dreams. See you again next year.
Last week, on my 30th birthday, I missed my massage class.
I spent hours feeling terrible about it.
Turns out that I wasn’t suffering the after effects of being up in the night coupled with anxiety at all. Afterall, I’m pretty sure OH, my mums partner and our lodger haven’t caught the tired anxious shits. Nope. I actually had some sort of virus and it’s done the rounds.
Last night it was back to learning and I actually felt much better than I have in a long time. No constant sick feeling, no instant panic attacks in the classroom, no stress headaches.
Is this what it’s like to feel normal?
Anyway, my routine is now up to date, I don’t have a huge wedge of homework and I understand what they did last week when I was absent.
See, it wasn’t as terrible as I made out.