Today a health visitor came to see me after concerns were raised about my mental health at a routine appointment.
I’m sure I feel fine.
I’m exhausted as last night was a bad night for Ru and talking about certain subjects always makes me upset but is my mood that low?
She pulled out the questionnaire I know so well and I did it while she took Ru out in the sun because he was crying uncontrollably (again, thanks boy.)
Twelve. I scored twelve. So yes, I’m in the not good place, apparently. Weird thing is, I don’t really feel any different. I’ve felt pretty consistently like this for years so I’m not sure that there is anything that can be done to “fix” me.
More terrifyingly though, I disclosed my pain about not feeling like a proper parent and the torture I put myself through every time I’m out with my older children. Then followed that with the wallop of guilt I get when I’m not looking after them but not doing much else (like now).
The only way to “fix” that is to go out more with them and take time to get to know them.
Is this more pressure I need to put on myself to try and be the parent I want to be?
*Ticks yes to having ALL OF THE ANXIETY*