Yesterday I shared with you all (at last) Ls birth story.
I probably made it quite scary.
I’m sorry. Bits of it were scary, but for the most part, even through the scary bits, it was the most awesome experience of my life up to that point. It was so awesome that I was actually excited about doing it again when we were waiting for O to arrive.
My births were amazing.
Anyway, that aside, I’ve been checking out Facebook again – getting ready to steal photos. I know, in said I wouldn’t but you kind of need them to get the whole picture. (Get it – picture? Haha. Grimace.)
L was born at quarter past midnight. By the time they sewed me up, found a bed and got me there, it was five am. My support team had to leave.
I had never changed a newborns bum before.
I had never dressed a newborn before.
Hell, I had never been admitted to hospital and had stitches before.
The next few days were horrific. Absolutely terrible.
I got told she’d would need feeding and changing at 6am. So at 6am I rang the buzzer and a Dr came in. She told me to ring again for a mw, which I did and she told me off. Great start.
Then the girl opposite appeared. She turned out to be really great but I found it intimidating having a woman who gave birth, walked in (I could barely stand up!), changed her baby, fed her baby and fell asleep across the room. The curtain was pulled round.
I didn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t. All I knew was that I was responsible for this tiny little thing and i had no fecking idea how to be resposibile for this tiny little thing.
I was hungry and exhausted and oh God she snuffled a lot in her sleep! She also coughed up a lot of that horrible phlegmy stuff they get.
I don’t know if I managed to feed her, but at 7am a nurse came in to do breakfast and found me curled up in the bed crying silently. I couldn’t do it. I could not do the mum thing.
They took L away into the office to give me some respite.
Then I slept fitfully for an hour or so until they bought her back needing a feed. I think it was then that the mw told me she was shakey and had low blood sugar. She also had an abnormally large fontenelle and she couldntg out all of her tongue in he mouth. They wanted to get her checked by the paediatrician in the Neo natal unit. They also wanted to top here up with formula and keep an eye on her blood sugar.
I couldn’t remember when she needed her sugar checking so I kept ringing the bell every time I went to feed her. Also, my backside was aching. It was so painful I could hardly move. I lost all the strength in my back. God only knows his many mws I asked to look at it and then all told me it was normal. It wasn’t – I damaged my tail bone which has been giving me grief again recently.
I am digressing.
People. Everywhere. They cuddled her. They held her. The fussed her. I was too busy feeling hurt and sorry for myself. I didn’t want to cuddle her. I was happy for them to do it.
My family went ahead with the house party and were cleaning and painting our new house while I laid up in a hospital bed. I hated it.
L was moved to the office again overnight to give me a break.
Some pictures of us from the 30th of August:
She looks tiny. She was tiny.