I’m hurting

Today I’m going to interrupt the theme and darken the mood because today, quite frankly, I feel like shit.  Awful stinky curry shit. Kebab shit.

Once again, for those of you who do not like negativity or feel you may be triggered by someone whinging, please look away now.

Ok…

You.

Yes you. The only one left reading.  Get a cuppa and then lend me your eyes and some sympathy while I feel sorry for myself.

I’m hurting because I’m exhausted.

I’m hurting because of the injustice I have been served in a pathetic situation which is not even my fucking problem.

I’m hurting because I’m reminded every time one of my kids misbehaves and I tell them off how close I am to having Social Services on my case FOR A CRIME I DID NOT COMMIT!

I’m hurting because my organisation has failed and the house is once again looking like we have been burgled.

I’m hurting because once again work gave me renewed hope and havent even bothered to inform me I haven’t been successful so I am left in limbo.

I’m hurting because my coccyx injury is twinging and it makes me feel sick.

I’m hurting because I pretty much constantly feel sick anyway.

I’m hurting because playgroup didn’t hold the door open for me so I had to struggle out with L clinging to one hand and a car seat, bookbag and artwork in the other.

I’m hurting because every driving error is my fault.

I’m hurting because an idiotic man swore at me as he almost ran over my kids (we were walking back to the car in the carpark and he was going forwards!!)

I’m hurting because the fucking roadworks are a headache and chore every single day.

I’m hurting because every car journey has a screaming sound track.  Every night has the same tune. Someone change the record already.

I’m hurting because she starfished in the carseat in the carpark and I screamed.  I’m fully waiting a telling off.

I’m hurting because even though they are both asleep I know I won’t be able to sleep.

I’m hurting because I can’t do more.

I’m hurting because I want to be likeable and pleasant and positive but I mostly feel anti-social, bitchy, and negative.

I’m just hurting.

Advertisements

4 responses to “I’m hurting

  1. I’ll wish for a good sleep and a better tomorrow for you … In the meantime, don’t be too hard on yourself. It sucks when everything turns to shit at the same time. I remember being incredibly frustrated with kids when I was unmedicated and the bipolar was uncontrolled – a real nightmare for everyone.

    • Thank you.

      Sleep deprivation exaggerates everything and turns it all into one big drama that I cannot be dealing with!

      I think frustration with the kids is normal. It’s how you cope with that frustration that can make or break a situation,

  2. Sleep deprivation is equilalent in power to bombs and explosives!! No sleep and the smallest thing ever is a MISSION and then it goes horribly wrong! We could do taking turns at nap time on Wednesday club??

    • Little bugger slept fine last night. I put a handmade growbag on him and he went from midnight to 5.30, then from 6-8.30 then I saw him again at 11.

      I guess I’ve found the solution for now. Definitely feel better for some sleep.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s