Happy freakin’ birthday.

Today I turned 30.

And failed.

I was fine this morning, been fine all day, then at about 3 I felt like my head needed something but didn’t know what, and everything became surreal.

I was pretty sure it was some kind of panic reaction to the classroom and I figured that I would get over it.  So, I packed my bags, mum came over, I went to the loo…all the normal things.  My head still felt like someone had stuffed my nose with cotton wool but I tried to carry on regardless.

Took a wrong turn on the way to college, and realised that maybe the fluffiness should be listened to.  O had a bad night last night and I thought it was a reaction to this mixed with the panic about panics in the classroom. 

Got to college, got changed, tummy grumbled, sat on loo…yep.

Not pleasant.

So I went to explain to my tutor who sent me home.

But now I feel awful, and not just because my tum is gurgling unhappily and my face actually aches but because I’ve seen this before.  This is so important and I’m cross I didn’t stay.  I can’t drop out. I have to do this.  At the moment I’m so busy feeling like I’ve let everyone down tonight that I just can’t see the bigger picture. 

I think I really need to sleep.


6 responses to “Happy freakin’ birthday.

  1. t was one night, a night on the day of you turning 30 – which for some is rather big deal. Out of all the classes added together by the end of the course, missing one for these reasons isn’t a big deal. Onwards & upwards.
    I’ll take my pep talk hat off now…I also need to go to bed.

  2. Hope you got much needed sleep, try not beat yourself up so much! You are doing so much already x

  3. get some sleep bet your body is telling you to slow down

  4. Thank you ladies.
    I got some rest today and feel much better now.
    I’m probably still doing too much but just going to have to learn when to take the pressure off myself a bit.

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