On Monday I had a breakdown/breakthrough.
I got to the end and felt like I couldn’t take it any more. I couldn’t cope, my head was spinning, I just wanted everything to stop. Just. For. A. Second.
My Twitter friends really helped me and made me feel less isolated, and for this I am so grateful as the rest of the week has been pretty fab.
My daughter has only been screamed at once since then. ONCE!! It’s normally once a day, but ONCE. And it feels like I can do this. I can look after her, even when she’s tired or being difficult.
Despite being up for an hour in the night and covered in regurgitated milk, I have had almost endless patience tonight. I feel more confident, I feel brighter. I still feel the nervous energy swirling around but I’ve been using it to clean things so the house is coming together. I’m also still feeling sick most of the time but that is another hurdle; I just have to stop focussing on it and try not to eat anything that draws attention to my digestive system. I’m ok when I’m not thinking about it.
Anyway, I have to go now as I’m about to do a massage on a friend. (NOT A EUPHAMISM)