We’re not eating the fucking cake!

Today I had my first large scale 3rd birthday party.

You see my bro and his partner don’t do things by halves for her…I mean their…no, I mean HER children.

Enter a church hall, a bouncy castle, soft play, party food and not a drop of alcohol in sight.  Not even an offer of a cup of tea.  It’s like all of my playgroup nightmares contained within four stoned walls and overlayed with a badly balanced CBabysitter soundtrack.

The Toddler went shy.  We don’t do soft play.  I’ve never taken her to one of those big manic places. I end up following her around like an extremely nervous over-protective parent (which I am).  She falls in love with the bouncy castle.  I want to fall on the bouncy castle and sleep. The bouncy castle arrangement is good.

It’s interrupted by pass the parcel. After L gets her chocolate bar she loses interest and it’s back to bouncing.

Then food. Well for L crisps. Lots and lots of crisps.  And those iced biscuit things.  So sugar and salt.  A perfectly balanced diet for a Toddler, don’t you agree. 

While stood around the dinner table, I hear the hostess say “we’re missing a load of kids…I just keep getting text after text saying they’ve been up all night being sick.”

Erm…what?

Now either these mothers are much less stupid than I am and decided that 2hrs of 20 two to three year olds was just not worth the hassle or… we’re all due a dose of the voms.

Sickness in this house consists of L shitting everywhere, OH feeling a bit under the weather and me coating both our toilets with projectile vomit.  No thanks.

So when the birthday boy blew out the candles and sprayed the cake with a fine mist of spittle I drew the line.

We’re not eating the fucking cake.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s