I am fucking furious. And desperate and feel like I need to rip my skin off in frustration.
If you’re offended by bollocking shitty wank bad fucking language, look away now, cocksuckers. If you can tolerate a liberal f bomb, keep reading.
You see, my day was crap. After the kids both refused lunch, she kicked off. Screaming, throwing herself off things, onto things and generally winding me up. It doesn’t help that it’s hot. And I fucking hate being hot.
So, after demanding toast and hitting her brother then waking him up with her screeching, I decided to walk to the shops to get some ballet pump style shoes as mine are unlikely to arrive.
What a fucking joke.
I started walking and sweating. There was a couple in front of me walking two fucking horrible stinky manky dogs. She let one of them drop a fresh turd on the path…I didn’t see it until the fucking thing coated my front wheel.
I never did like dogs.
I swore. A lot. I cleaned as much off as I could with my shoes. I was furious. Still am actually, in case you hadn’t noticed.
Then I get to the shops. Perfect shoes are on the shelf. Size 5. Size 7. I’m a six. Thet have no sixes. What the actual fuck? So I try to find another pair of shoes. O starts howling like he is in absolute agony. And coughing. And spluttering. So I give up. I have no shoes. I pick up pizza for dinner and go to the check out. Obviously she picks up the whole stack of baskets and tries to bring them through.
I pay. Successfully. Then steam home. Get to the cut way and some c word has blocked it with his car WHICH HE IS STILL SAT IN!! I shoot him a look to kill and walk round, sweating and smelling of rancid dog shit.
The dinner wouldn’t fit in our fridge. So I left it on the kitchen floor.
So, she’s playing up. I’ve hurt my throat shouting at her. And I’m watching all the neighbourhood kids fuck around outside my house. I swear if one of them so much as dares to fuck around with me, I will not hesitate to throw them both barrels of venom.
Sometimes I want to rip my own skin off.