I have been let down in a time of need by the health service.
It took me an hour to get through to them and when I eventually did they informed me there were no available appointments…I hung up and cried. No one wanted to help me. I was making the first move and no one wanted to hear my SOS.
The day went on and I was either pinned to the sofa by a baby or sticking stickers on my forehead with the toddler and unable to get to the phone.
I need to contact my health visitor.
She is awesome. She gets it. She also has this theory that a small level of PND is normal. That not feeling an instant bond is normal and not anything to be ashamed of.
That the sinking feeling of panic when you suddenly have sole responsibility is normal and it makes you rise to the challenge. Because, as mothers we do. Its part of our job. No matter how shit we feel, how much we don’t want to get out of bed, how much we want to hang ourselves to make it all go away, we still make sure our offspring are clean, fed and watered.
I don’t want to be dumped in the PND pile by a Dr who quite frankly, as an asian male, has never experienced motherhood so has no idea (that is a slight on his sex, not his race) and will just refer to the community nurses and health visiting team anyway
What I need is a quick fix. A pill to stop the sick. Just until December. Then I’ll have a whole host of new problems to face.
I already have some travel bands just in case.
Prozac makes me vomit.