I feel like a bit of a fraud to be honest. I spend a lot of my time thinking about how I personally, in my soon-to-be business and day-to-day life as a mother can help other women in the midst of PND.
I wanted to be strong, and living proof that you can come through it and be happy and a good mum and…I’m just not.
I really dislike posting melodramatic negative stuff because my future is actually full of really positive things, which I believe will help me to deal with the not so great stuff. So it pains me to be constantly whining and melancholy here.
Because in all honesty, my life isn’t that bad at all. I have two kids who are both bright and healthy and mostly happyish. I have a loving, sex-starved partner. Both sets of parents are super supportive and I have aunties and uncles and a brother who would do anything they could to help. I have Mummies on tap 247 who can offer advice or virtual hugs and support and a lodger who loves my children.
I have a job. Even though I hate said job, I have a job to go back to while I retrain. I have a house. It’s a nice house, a big, comfy house. I love my house.
I have a car and I have the ability to drive it anywhere…
So why am I still feeling tired and sick and anxious and stressed? I don’t feel like I have PND. It’s not dark here. It’s slightly hopeless, and I’m scared, but I don’t hate myself or want to cut or feel tortured. I’m not in a hole. I don’t want to constantly run far far away.
But how can I help to heal others when I haven’t even manage to heal myself? How can I help while I too am ailing?