For all intents and purposes, I am a damaged person. I am damaged by my parents’ divorce and the reasons for the marriage breakdown. I am damaged by my brothers anger. I am damaged by the bullying I took as a child. Im damaged by the lies I dealt when i was 16. I’m damaged by an abusive relationship. Im damaged by cheating on someone who loved me unconditionally. I’m damaged by a boy who questioned everything I said and then cheated on me.
These things made me strong.
They also made me very weak.
Everytime I shout at her, I’m damaging her. Everytime I have to physically remove her, or push her away because she is kicking her brother I’m damaging her. Every time I get so close to The Edge with her, I damage her. When I call her names, even in jest, I damage her. When I go to bed without a goodnight, I damage her. When we leave her to cry, I damage her.
I don’t ever want her to go through the darkness. I never want to see her have a catastrophic confidence failure. I will blame myself, just like my mum blamed herself.
It wasn’t my mums fault that I was hurting. But it will be my fault if my little girl goes through this.
I would like some damage limitation. An intervention.