One big fail

That’s what today was.

I was just thinking I had run out of event based blog material and was in the process of typing up my notes…then today came along, ran me over, ground into reverse gear, and did it again.

This morning was a mummys and babies and toddler group. I couldn’t face it. However, this meant that by lunchtime she was climbing the walls, so we couldn’t refuse OHs sisters offer of tea and cake.

Well, if you’ve been reading the blog regularly, you’ll know that the old Phil & Teds has been digging it’s own grave via my hatred for a while. Today, I chucked it in. Ive known for a while that the doubles kit was giving out, but today, she was sat on his legs. Terrified of a trip to a & e for toddler induced trauma, I headed back home and pulled out the gaffa tape.  I used to be an expert with the stuff so fixing this chair so it didn’t sag two inches below where it should sit should be a doddle.

I then had to feed and change O before attempt 2 at leaving the house.  I must mention at this point I had the rain cover on but decided the sun cover (which was in the car) would be better.  I opened the boot, pulled the sun cover out, closed the boot…and realised my fucking keys were locked inside.

Cue panicked (unanswered) calls to OH (lodger was also out).

I began to head for OHs sisters, and got partway there before O started howling. I checked him and found my fixit had failed and she was once again resting precariously on his legs.

Of course, she pickec that point to start jumping up and down in the seat.

I left a message for OH who then had to come home from work and came back and let myself in the back garden.

I was furious. Mostly at myself for being a total fuckwit and locking my keys in the car. Partly at OH because he wasn’t the one stuck outside with a tired Toddler feeling his blood pressure rising.  And because he would never get to experience that joyous feeling of losing control of your children and branding yourself worlds worst parent.  I was a bit pissed off with the Toddler too for being relentless, threatening to dunk herself in the huge puddle, going headfirst down the slide, climbing on the chairs, picking up stones, climbing on toys on the rock hard patio etc etc.

It culminated in her having a screaming hissy fit while I shouted at her and the neighbours called over the fence…and OH opened the back door.

I was absolutely exhausted. I came in and O and I cuddled (she didn’t want to join us) and phased in and out on the sofa while she hassled daddy and tore my notebook to pieces using one of my new biros.

Her nappy change was a battle. She kicked me, she put her hands in it, she tried to roll over…I had had enough.

Then, I opened my eyes and found her wandering around with no nappy on, announcing she was pooing and pissing all over the carpet.

So I decided I didn’t want to see her until the morning.  Until I had calmed down. It’s bad enough we are now trapped here as I refuse to use that pushchair.  It’s worse that we still don’t know what is going on with the CM. I just needed space.

I came to bed. He bathed her and then let her in here woth me. We ate cake (skant consolation) and I made him put her to bed.  He guilt tripped me about that.

What a shit day. I’m going to sleep the fail away.

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14 responses to “One big fail

  1. That is the shittest of shit days 😦

  2. Maybe you should make your oh take a couple of days leave and get him to look after the lil one to see how much hard work it is! Sounds like you really had a bad day. I hope tomorrow is a better one!

    • Thanks! Me too. Feel better now we’re all in bed! OH has no hols left as he used them as paternity. He changed jobs two weeks before baby was born (almost exactly the same happened when the toddler was born). I think she may be going to Grandmas tomorrow. Love her to bits but she doesn’t understand why she’s at home all the time at the moment and she gets so bored.

  3. You’ve put into words the way I feel about my OH at times. They’ll never experience this anger & frustration. Sorry you’ve had a shit day, get the pram situation sorted and you’ll be in a much better position. Hugs.

    • Thank you. Yes. The pram makes me mad. Stupid thing. Sadly most daddies don’t get to feel that way. I was seeing red this afternoon changing her. When I’m like that I have to scream, literally, just to relieve the tension otherwise I’m scared I might lash out. Being super tired doesn’t help and when you’re already feeling like a numpty for locking yourself out you don’t need a kid effectively going “look, mum, you’re shit at this parenting thing…I’m just gonna jump in this and pick this up…”

  4. Does this mean that I should be worried my daughter is only 5months… i take it its not as easy to keep them amused when they get that bit older. Glad to hear your feeling better and I am sure tomorrrow will be a better day!

    • Mine is 2 on Monday. She walks, runs, throws stuff, screams, answers back and kicks. She also has the attention span of a gnat and loves to play with mugs, computers, pens, snails, spiders and her brothers feet. All at once if she can.

  5. Aw hun, parenting can be shit but, sorry for the cliche, you will have fab days soon. I have days where I just want to run and shout and leave them with the husband to see how he would cope buy we know we are a doing a bloody good job and they would be crap x x big hug x

    • Rubbish isn’t it? I guess we have to have shit days to appreciate the good days. Just heard it has been arranged she is going to Grandmas tomorrow afternoon to give me a break. Friday we will go feed the ducks and try to smile lots.

  6. Hope your week gets better. It’s hard enough without bring trapped indoors!! And yes, men are another breed… They just don’t geddit. At least, that’s how I feel bout my OH some days.

  7. It was a bad day, but tomorrow you get to start again from fresh. The toddler tried your patience, and it included physically hurting O, so you had every right to feel annoyed and at the end of your tether.
    You didn’t fail – you did the right thing by having time out and getting some space!!! A failing mummy would have carried on with shouting and making the situation worse.
    Hope you sleep well and the morning is brighter.

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