Today (and yesterday, and the day before) I started going through the whole coming to terms with not being pregnant any more.
I didn’t find this an easy process before. My tummy has almost completely disappeared, my boobs leak EVERYWHERE and I now have not one small shouty person, but two (second small shouty person is less shouty than shouty person number 1).
I feel like such a big part of my life is missing. We are pregnant for 9 months and then suddenly, we aren’t any more. There’s no gradual let down. We go through labour and birth (which generally speaking will only take a maximum of a few days to complete the entire process) and then battered and bruised we are sent home with small bundles and told we must care for them.
We ended up back at the hospital today to have some photos taken of Oscar as I was discharged before they came round last Tuesday (I also was NOT offered breakfast but I won’t hold a grudge!) and I just felt like I belonged there. I’m guessing there are two parts to this. The first one being that my labour was so quick and the time I spent actually in hospital was so short I didn’t really get to make the most of it. My plan was to go to the local birthing centre after the birth, but my partner and I agreed that it would make the transition easier for The Toddler if we came home as soon as possible. So that’s what I did. With her, I stayed in for three days, and hated it. There’s just no pleasing me.
The second thing is a career crisis. I studied for 7 years and worked my butt off at my previous job to get promoted and recognised and now I’m back at the bottom of the pile and have been for the last 2 years. I’m out of touch with the technology, and don’t have the time (nor inclination) to learn. I used to be good at what I did and now I just answer the phone and pretend to know what I’m talking about before saying “Ok, I’m going to pass this over to X team to get them to investigate further” and then have the ticket bounced back at me with some sarcastic comment from someone on X team. Midwifery is something that I have looked at doing before (surprisingly enough when I was pregnant with The Toddler) and now I’m considering it again. Problem is that we don’t really have the money for me to go to Univeristy (I didn’t go after college) and I always thought that if I went to Uni, I would go to study something InfoSec-y as that’s where my passion lies. More confusion.
So, I’m feeling confused, tired, hormonal, missing my bump, don’t want any more kids, want to be pregnant again, head messy ….BOOM.
This, I believe, is normal.