I was going to do a post yesterday. Well, actually in the early hours of the morning while feeding Oscar but I was too tired and he only fed briefly so I didn’t really have the time.
On about day 4 I think it was, Oscar puked. Not just a normal little tiny bit of milk dribbling out of mouth puke. Not the gunky gungey coughing gurgling puke of a newborn when they bring up the last of that fluid in their lungs. Oh no. PROJECTILE puke. All over the temporary bed we are using which is not ours. Thanks darling.
I have to tell you about this as I forgot before and it has now become quite an important reminder to complete the routine before moving on. No more lazy feeds for me.
I called the midwife (well, OH called the midwife as I was having a breakdown and the Toddler was telling me to go away) and they said it was normal but if he refused to feed, kept doing it and had a temperature then to take him to the hospital. While OH was the phone, he began rooting again and latched on. We had no vomit, and his temperature was a cool 35.6 (I breed cold babies).
It was WIND. The horrible horrible stuck trapped wind. He had gurgled down more milk from my overfull breasts and it had landed on a bubble of wind and then …straight back up and sprayed across the bed.
I have now been vomited on every day. Mostly when feeding from my right boob. Even worse, my flow is so strong, it chokes the poor boy. On day 6, we had a couple of scares where he actually couldn’t breathe due to milk going down the wrong hole. I freaked out a bit as you would and didn’t really want to feed him after that, but I have persevered and now he seems to be ok. Feeding, however, has become a lot more complex than just sticking on the boob and getting on with it. I now have to listen to make sure the gulps are regular. If them become irregular, I have to remove him and make sure he’s not coughing. If on removal, he starts wheezing he needs to be winded. This is a process in itself whereby I have to make him do between 3 and 7 sit ups and then put him on my shoulder. sometimes this does not work and that’s when I draft in the OH who was always much better at getting wind out of the babies than I am. The upside to handing him over is that I get to have a doze for the ten minutes it takes for OH to work the wind out of him.
So yeah, it’s been a bit dramatic with feeding. I’m determined not to stop giving him the booby. If I can feed The Toddler for 15 months (including around 18 weeks into my pregnancy with Oscar) then I’m sure I can get over the initial little hiccups (quite literally – if he doesn’t puke and he’s still windy, he gets hiccups.)
On top of this, I thought I was doing ok. Turns out yesterday I wasn’t so good. I woke up late and therefore didn’t get a chance to have breakfast before we decided to take OHs parents out for lunch as a thank you for helping us so much lately. The Toddler was excellently behaved while we were out and I scored my “Breastfeeding whilst in a pub eating lunch” badge (I already have one, but it’s out of date so I effectively renewed it.) I had soup and sticky toffee pudding. Not together.
The Toddler, Oscar and I went to my mums in the evening as we always do on a Monday when OH is at the football. I walked in the door and my mum said I looked tired and I had a breakdown. Started crying. The Toddler ignored everything I asked her to do and kept asking about her daddy (again) and I was just worn down. I think this may have been caused by lack of food. I had a cup of tea which made me feel better, but the entire evening just served to remind me that I’m not quite out of the danger zone yet. I’m determined not to let myself sink to the lows of PND again. I’m enjoying my time with O in a way I never got to with The Toddler. I’ve bonded with him already, something that I didn’t do until about week 10 with her. Mum has said that she would be happy to take The Toddler for a couple of hours this week as she’s off work if I need her to although we are trying not to farm her out too much.
The worst bit about it all is that I feel like she was punished the first time after her birth and I feel like I’m punishing her again now. All I seem to say to her is “Don’t do that”, “don’t touch this” and “Go CAREFUL!” It’s almost like I have nothing positive to say to her and I’m all for positive reinforcement. This goes doubly for her as she’s so damn bright. Too bright really.
All in all day 6 wasn’t great but it wasn’t a complete tragedy.
Day 7 – I have enjoyed today. My friend A came round to see Oscar. She has a daughter who is 5 months older than The Toddler so it was lovely to see them playing together. I think The Toddler appreciated it. The Toddler is a right bossy boots though (like her mother!) and I got to catch up with some girly chat. We also went to the Toddler ballet session this afternoon and the girls loved it. One of the other mums I met during my PND therapy was also there so it was good to see her again. The Toddler now has THE CUTEST purple leotard and ballet shoes. Can’t wait until next week when I can dress her up like a little ballerina. I gave up ballet when I was about 5 and I’m more like a herd of elephants than a graceful swan. Sadly The Toddler has my lack of grace, which when added to her fathers lack of grace (I have never seen anyone 2 star an easy song on Dance Central 4 times!) means she falls over. A lot. Ballet will help. Plus she loves running round and round in circles with the other girls.
I haven’t even thought about how exhausting she is today. In fact, I’ve totally enjoyed my time with her. How it should be.