A new day.

First of all, thank you for all your support.  You’ve all helped me get through what I suspected would be an extremely tough day.

Turns out, I’m pretty resilient.

After the last couple of nightmarish days, I expected horror today, but we’ve been pretty good together.  You see, I decided this morning I wasn’t going to fight her.  We’re going to be a team, as ultimately, my dark place affects her too and we all need to stuck together to get rid of it.

The day started in a particularly normal way, the three of us playing on the bed.  Thn we got up, had breakfast and I even got to shower.  OH went off to work and she played for a bit (nicely) before helping me to get everything ready to walk to the shops.  She’s never been particularly great at going round the shops in the pushchair but she just ended up singing wheels on the bus the whole way round.  My confidence failed slightly when I saw one of the mummies I used to talk to before my mc with her son who is three weeks older than The Toddler.  He was walking behind her, no pushchair, no reins.  At the moment, The Toddler only does very short trips without her reins.  This is more for my benefit as I’m quite nervy (had you noticed?) So I had a “OMG I’m a terrible mother for keeping her strapped up.” moment.  Then reason kicked in and I would rather have her on reins than running out in front of a car.

Anyway, we came back and I gave her some water to water our one garden plant while I put the washing out.  There was a short tantrum when I asked her to come in so we could clean ready for lunch but I managed to distract her.  We cleaned her hogh chair together and then she spotted her bubble making Thomas.  Cue another tantrum as the bubble mixture had been removed and cack -handed mummy couldn’t get it open to refill. Never mind, she was content with the annoying tune and having it chase her up and down the kitchen.

I cooked lunch and gave her a pan, a wooden spoon, the egg timer, a bowl and teaspoon and a cup with a dribbe of water in it to play with.  See, I can be creative. I, the one who cannot cope and doesn’t know how to look after her child, found things for her daughter to do!

We had lunch and OH phoned.  All day, the Toddler has been saying “daddy gone, daddy work.”  She’s not upset, and now she’s heard him on the phone she seems to have stopped telling me he’s not here.

Show me show me is now on the TV, she’s sat on my lap, totally calm and playing with her roller keyboard.

Ok, we’re only half way through the day, but we’re going out this afternoon (I have a mw appt) and it’s all about the baby steps.  Literally.


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